On Cleaning One's Backside. An Essay.

So I have a couple of cats, and they are both very much Up In Our Bidness. But one of them (they are both about 8 or 9 years old) appears to be the most inflexible cat on the entire planet. Cats are supposed to be sleek and agile, right? But she is clumsy and kind of awkward. We occasionally complain at her because sometimes she just doesn't bother cleaning her posterior. And she sleeps on the bed, so SOMEONE has to clean it, right? Anywho. I have been watching her lately and I think the problem is just that she is not even vaguely flexible. To clean her rump she has to dig her claws in to a soft surface and then hike herself around to get in position. I wonder if maybe she had some traumatic injury as a kitten, or if she is just developing cat arthritis.
Because I know the feeling.
Not butt licking, of course ( I shouldn't have to add that "of course"). But, I have an awfully hard time getting up and around these days myself. Ballet is helping the flexibility, but my knees are shot all to heck. And I refuse to take showers because I think showers are gross. So I have to figure out how to get myself out of a bath tub on a regular basis. Right now I have a clawfoot tub with the original plumbing, which means exposed pipes that travel between the faucet and the shower head. So I can just grab on to the pipe right over the faucet, and sort of HAUL my ancient and creaky patoot out of the tub. I shudder to think about what will happen when we move. I am hoping, here is what I am hoping, I am hoping that the house will have been lived in by a very old woman. And so there will be one of those bars in the tub. For old folks.
They say you are only as old as you feel.
I think that makes me about NINETY.

edited to add: I forgot, this is the internet, so including a picture of said cat is practically required. The inflexible cat is madame on the left: