Stretch Ribbon

I like using stretch ribbon on my pointe shoes. Forget like, I was instructed to use it by the woman who fit me for the shoes. I have a terrible tendency toward tendonitis (thank you, rheumatism) and the stretchy ribbons take a lot of the pressure off your achilles. The kind I got at the time was great, but the kind you can buy from Discount Dance, frankly, sucks. It pulls and shreds and looks like an utter disaster after being tied once or twice. It's also too flimsy to offer even the slightest support. It's like wearing ribbons strictly for looks. Anyway. So I've been doing a few searches online to see what I can find.
You see this stuff?

This stuff that is sold as "stretch ribbon" basically everywhere right now? This stuff that you can buy little headbands and hair ties made out of for several bucks a pop*? This is not stretch ribbon. This is "fold-over" elastic. It's made for lingerie. You fold it over the edge of a piece of fabric to finish it. It can be found gracing bras, slips, and underpants, but you don't recognize it because it's folded over. Please, people. PLEASE stop calling this stretch ribbon. It's making the quest for the right pointe shoe accessory down right interminable. 

*also, it's super cheap. Like, really really cheap. Stop paying so much for it made in to hair ties! It's ridiculous!

Swan Song

I've been terribly negligent about my writing, in all capacities. We recently found out that a dear friend has a terminal illness, and after news like that what is there to say? It certainly puts my bitching and moaning about achy joints to shame. In the end there is nothing to say that will eclipse news like that, and you just wait until enough life crowds in to give you an excuse to talk again.
So far I have found nothing that warrants much attention. But I am giving it a shot.
This year's recital is killing me, and we've only just begun. Swan Lake, guys. I am sort of in the mood to kill Swan Lake with fire. Well, heck. I suppose dancing it is less painful than watching it, anyway (I know, I know, sacrilege).
Also, once again I have been reading all about how you should never "static" stretch before doing any exercises. You know, all those calf stretches and legs up on the barre and all that (and all those splits, I suppose, if you are one of those people). Supposedly it actually decreases the strength in the stretched muscles. And if there is anything I could use a little extra strength for it is 2 and a half solid hours of jumping around like a swan. Anyway. So I tried it out last night: no stretches before class, only stretching as I went along and warmed up. My verdict is: PPPPBBBBTTT! I just felt worse, and had to stretch EVEN MORE afterward. Tight calves make my shin splints flare up. Tight quads are just... they just suck. Forget it, guys. Go ahead and put that leg up on the barre. I won't tell on ya.

I Don't Need No Stinkin' Splits

So. My teacher recently instituted a break between barre and center work where we are all supposed to stretch. Which sounds great, because I really miss the guided stretches at the end of my level 1-2 classes and have no self discipline so nothing ever gets stretched at home. But we are all supposed to be using this time to work on our splits. And I decided a few months back that A) There is basically no way in hell I am ever going to be able to accomplish the splits, and B) I am okay with that.
Now, hear me out.
I did try at it for a little while (okay, for a week or two back in November), because I was all inspired by other adult dancers and their splitty achievements. But... I realized it wasn't really a goal for me. A Goal with a capital G.
You know what I really want to be able to do? Fold in half. Like this:

 

from BalletUni

or like this:

from I Have No Idea Where. Let me know if you do.

It looks easy, but it's not! Try it! I (occasionally, you know, when I remember) work on this and I can get my hands flat against the floor but closing that distance between the chest and the legs is a lot harder than it looks at first blush.

To heck with your splits, man! I couldn't even do the splits when I was a kid. And I was a super flexible kid! I was one of those that can hook her feet behind her head FOR NO REASON KNOWN TO MAN. But still! No splits! In class tonight I actually heard (and FELT HOLY COW) something in my hip go TWANG! while doing these split-achieving stretches in class. Can't we do stretches at the barre? I am okay with stretches at the barre that make my parts go twang. But on the floor? ARGH.

Maybe I Should Resolve Not To Be Such A Bitch... Oh Wait Never Mind I Should Embrace My True Self Instead

I'm still doing the level 1-2 class, which gets fuller every week. 18 students tonight! I imagine there are a certain number of new year's resolutions being worked off in there. I would wonder why there are so many new students but I am pretty sure the proliferation of posts like this on pinterest are all the explanation I need.

My own personal resolutions are to work more on stretching and do a super boring pilates routine once a week. Will it happen? Who knows. I've fallen out of doing stretches every day because I feel like my flexibility hit a wall (or a plateau, maybe. It sounds less dire that way) at a point that seems pretty darn crummy, honestly, and stretching is boring and sucks anyway. But, we'll see if I can do it more often (I refuse to expect myself to do it every day, that is just silly and doomed to failure). There are so many things I should be doing that if I did them all I wouldn't have time to do anything else. Like work or talk to my husband once in a while.

One of my classmates is a wretched driver. I like her, she's smart and polite and always says hello, but GOOD GOLLY she cuts people off like it ain't no thang. I recognize her the entire way home after class because she has a very memorable car. I mean, it's awesome, but it's not going to get you through any checkpoints unnoticed, either. SO WHY ARE YOU DRIVING LIKE A CRAZY PERSON? And then I think to myself  "ah HA! I hope you screwed up when I did because you were following me at the barre, tonight!" and that's just not gracious.

Hummingbird Ballet

Our resident (and very vocal/cranky) Anna's hummingbird, Mr. Smalls, warms up at the barre:

I missed class last night because my knees swelled up in a rather disturbingly grapefuit-like manner. I am guessing that this was not the result the PT was aiming for.
So I spent a few moments on my own in the backyard after work today (it's cloudy, breezy, and cool, which is a miracle of no small measure in August in central CA) attempting to be graceful and balletic. Wearing street shoes is a bit of a hindrance, though.

Streeeeeetch it Out

Okay, so for the last couple of weeks I haven't been doing daily stretches, just to see how that would work out for me. Because they say you shouldn't be doing them cold, right? So. My final analysis: YUCK. Basically, while I love not having to spend ten minutes on the floor every day (which I always put off, and then put off again, and then suddenly it is midnight) my turn-out is crappier, my extension is crappier, and just trying to stand in fifth is kind of awkward and painful. SO forget that. Seriously. The hip warm up jobby is still awesome, though!

Kickin' Ass and Takin' Names

So tonight we had a different teacher and she had us do this... thing... before rond de jambes. Where you swing your leg forward kind of like a battement and then back through first position and to the back. Swing your straight leg forward, then swing it back, then bend the leg (attitude, I guess) in front, then straight through first, then bent behind.
That wasn't a good description. Sorry. Just imagine your leg being a pendulum that swings from the hip.
It was EXACTLY what I needed. A way to warm up my dicky hip joints without putting any strain on my even dickier knees. Perfect. It was also kind of fun. Because kicking has unexpectedly become my favorite thing on the planet.
And OH MY GOD when I did my grands battements to the side my extension was AMAZING.
That is, amazing for me, anyway. Not like I-can-do-the-splits-now amazing or anything.
I was sort of surprised. Like WHUUUUT? Did that really just happen? WOWZA. And the hip popping wasn't as bad as it usually is.
SO.
WOOT!

Accepted Wisdom

So I have read a couple of articles lately that say you should not stretch before a workout. One even included this amazing and colorful quote from none other than fitness guru Jack LaLanne : "Warming up is the biggest bunch of horseshit I've ever heard in my life. Fifteen minutes to warm up! Does a lion warm up when he's hungry? 'Uh-oh, here comes an antelope. Better warm up.' No! He just goes out and eats the sucker."
But as any dancer can tell you, stretching is important! Right?
Well, maybe yes, maybe no. My teacher advocates stretching (at least the calves and thighs if nothing else) after class/running/etc. And stretching is important for overall flexibility and extensions, yes?
Well, it turns out you should really only be stretching after you work out, rather than before, and not just plain cold, which is what I usually do on days when I have no class. But... hmm. I can't really jog or even walk much these days. I labor along with a very short and relatively mild bike ride most Friday mornings, but we are talking a few miles at most (as opposed to the 20+ I used to be able to do). And my hip joints pop so very uncomfortably and disconcertingly every time they hit a développé or grand battemant. So maybe I will just keep up with the hip stretches before class and then only do the other stuff afterward?
Ugh. So confusing.

Self Defeat

I'm usually really good about stretching. I allow myself one day per week to be lazy about it but I really do try to keep up with a little stretching time every day. Except this week. In which I have sort of stretched kind of half way a little bit maybe on Monday. Ugh.
Once you stop you don't really want to get going again, you know? Stretching is boring and doesn't feel like it does anything for me and so I just... poodle around.
Poodle around. That should mean something, don't you think? You should be able to poodle around.
Also, I kind of want a shirt or something that says "dance because you can't" on it.