"A Thing of Beauty is a Joy Forever" - John Keats

People give you stuff when you sew. Like... "Hey. My granny just died and I was cleaning out her closet and I found this garbage bag full of polyester double knit and plastic beaded fringe from 1974 and I thought of you immediately!" And of course you accept it, because that's really nice (and besides their granny just died so you feel bad for them). And... well... because you can't pass up a sack of fabric! It might come in handy some day. You never know what treasures could be in that sack! I've got lovely silk brocade hanging in my closet that was buried at the bottom of a garbage bag full of broken trim and powder blue metallic netting.
Apparently, if you run a ballet studio people do something similar. But with costumes. "You teach ballet! Wow! You won't believe it but my second cousin's great aunt's neighbor's niece used to do jazz and tap and somehow I ended up with an entire storage unit full of AMAZING costumes!" Your gratitude is assumed.

In preparation for the studio's big Summer recital I am going through tupperware bin upon tupperware bin full of random tutus, leotards, and other costume bits and bobs that somehow ended up in the studio's possession, weeding out the ones that are beyond hope and fixing the most egregious flaws in the remainder. I have spent a couple of weeks, now, going through these, and it's totally awesome, to be quite honest. Especially because I get to remove/trash the ones I would rather burn than work on (a rare and empowering experience in the world of costuming!). Below I present some of the most heinous incredible creations that ever graced the form of a 7 year old in tap shoes and pigtails...

Now. Some of them aren't so bad. This one, for instance, could use to be soaked in Oxiclean for a month and gone over with a steamer to remove wrinkles, but you can see what they were getting at, anyway:

I'm thinking Tinkerbell.

And there are things that... well. They aren't really SO bad. Not when you consider that they must have come from 1987:

I mean, yes, it's ugly. But check out that sky-high French-cut leg opening we've got going on, here. You

just can't be mad at a leotard inspired by Jane Fonda AND Gunne Sax, can you?

No. You can't.

Of course, then there are things for which words seem inadequate:

It inspires one to poetry, does it not?

The neon pink fringe

it lay-th below

acid green sequins,

all aglow...

And then this happened:

I want to point out that this neon yellow and pink

leopard print unitard, here, is an ADULT size small.

Adult. I am just going to leave you with that.

Crazy Tutu Day

Well, Halloween class was pretty dang fun. There were costumes, and crazy rock and roll accompaniment, and I didn't even run over any trick-or-treaters on the drive home. Woo! My teacher was wearing a full-body bear suit, which was basically adorable during EVERY SINGLE exercise. Dance class should be like a high school and have crazy hair day or pajama day (or more likely tutu day) once a month.
You know, when I was in high school I never (never EVER) participated in those "spirit days" but to this day I have nightmares that I go to school with no clothes on because it is supposed to be naked day and no one told me it was canceled. And then I have to pretend I am not naked and hope no one notices? Ugh. Never mind.

Halloween Dream

So, I have class on Halloween, this year. In fact I have 2 and a half straight hours of class. And everyone at the studio wants to wear costumes!
I am a BIG fan of wearing costumes at every opportunity, but I seriously doubt the ballet potential of anything in my closet.
What do I have all ready and waiting? Let's see.
There is: Dr. Horrible
Alex Delarge
the White Rabbit (from Alice)
my Renaissance Faire garb (yes, I am one of those people)
Mime
Death
Dinosaur
And these aren't "sexy" costumes, either. Well, Alex has a miniskirt because there was no way I could pull off a jockstrap and I had to embody over-sexed violent youth culture SOMEhow. But otherwise we are talking full-body costumes, here. With accessories and goggles (and a bitchin' dinosaur hat complete with feathers).
Choices, choices.
In seriousness, though, I'm pretty sure that almost anything that goes on my head would fly off as soon as we hit that first flic-flack, and anything that requires face painting or makeup would just end up dripping down my face and getting smeared all over the place because dudes, I am old and it is always 80 degrees in the studio. So, I will probably just bust out the one dance-proof costume headband I have (tiger ears). But, oh, what fun we could have. Now I wish I had tiger striped tights! I could totally rock that.

woefully late report on level 3-5

Hmm hmm hmm!
Well, level 3-5 was definitely the right choice! I am glad I went for it because I had a really lovely time. At several points I found myself thinking "gee, I sure am having a lot of fun right now" which is quite a thing, in my opinion. Doing new things is always fun and exciting, I suppose. Flic flacs, perhaps, excluded. And, there are things I am just incapable of doing until these shins get back to golden. Like trying to do anything quickly that requires any spring in your step or bounce in your bungee. BUT! Everything else was lovely and I am very excited about not having to take the train to class on Fridays anymore.
Carpe the old diem, etc etc.

Of Tutus and Beetle Wings

Like any crafty person I have what I think of as "lifetime" projects. I suppose you could call it a sort of creative bucket list (but I hate the term "bucket list". It sounds so stupid. I always visualize carrying around some big metal bucket with a leak in it). There are a lot of them. I want to complete a puff quilt (I started one years ago but then broke up with the guy I was making it for so PPPPBBBBBTT!) Build an herb garden growing wall. Stitch some ridiculously complicated  needlepoint version of the unicorn tapestries. One of my biggest lifetime projects has always been to put together a classical (pancake/platter-type) tutu (the whole thing. Bodice, skirt, plate/basque). I mean, I know how to do it, right? I just don't have any real reason to do it. I might at some point get stuck doing some horrid and disgusting alteration and/or repair work to one at the theater, but I really want to make one from scratch. Always have. Even when I wasn't dancing.
Recently, though, I was at a Renaissance faire with my peeps (yo) and saw a jewelry booth that reminded me of one of my other lifetime projects: beetle wing embroidery. If you're not familiar with it it's basically what sequins were invented to replace. In Asia (particularly Thailand, India, China, and Japan) there are these brilliantly iridescent wood-boring beetles. They only live for about a month, and afterwards you are left with their gorgeous exoskeletons. They've been used for ages as decoration, and pieces of fabric and clothing embroidered with them was always highly prized. You know that famous painting of Lady Macbeth wearing a green dress? This one:

That is actually a real dress. A theatrical costume. And it's entirely covered in beetlewing embroidery. you should click through here to see the real deal.
So anyway, I got to thinking about beetle wings and realized that my tutu project is going to need beading anyway... so... why not combine the two?
As this post is already too damn long I will try to wrap it up briefly.
Beetle wings come in lots of pretty color variations to choose from:

and my immediate thought was to sew them on to a black or dark green fabric. But, I am also quite taken with these antique pieces, where the wings are placed on a pale background:

So, now I have even more things to think about. Hmm... I'm pretty excited about how this tutu is going to turn out and I haven't even designed the silly thing yet. Of course, I have no one to make it for (excepting myself, and my weight is so unstable I certainly wouldn't want to do it now) and no room in my little apartment to store such a thing. But. I won't always live in a tiny apartment (hopefully) and as soon as I move I am buying some freakin' wings, 15 yards of diamond net and gettin' my groove on!

It's hard to dance with a devil on your back

While checking in with my PC doctor this morning (he made me get a different type of splint for my sprained wrist, one that immobilizes your thumb. I don't think I have ever worn anything so sexy in my life) I mentioned the rheumatologist's "diagnoses", even he thinks it's BS. He said, sure, in chronic pain depression is always a possibility, but not the first... or second, third, fourth... or FIFTH diagnoses he would pursue. And he told me to call the rheumatology department and ask to see a different doctor. I may well do that, but for now I am going to sit here and not deal with them. Because nothing is healthier than a solid dose of anxiety and avoidance, am I right?

In much more pleasant news: piqué turns! So much fun! I've actually figured them out on my own time by watching the other girls in my level three class. As I am the only new student in the class my teacher modifies things for me so that I can work on the basics a bit while the other ladies are whipping stuff out like it ain't no thang (I pretty much look like a total spaz attack in comparison, and she feels bad for me, I guess?). So on Tuesday I just learned to do preparation for piqué turns, but it wasn't too complicated so I just came home and BAM piqué turns in my kitchen, yo!
I can do a new thing!
That makes everything better.

Tombé or Two

Did the fabric of space-time unravel? Because we didn't do glissades last night. CRAZY.
Instead! We got to learn tombé (possibly tombé pas de bourrée? We will discuss this annoying terminology later)! Which was confusing and I tripped over myself a lot, but it was SUPER FUN. And I keep trying to do them on my own and they just look silly and make my legs hurt, but that's okay!
We also learned a slightly confusing new port de bras sequence with balancé on a diagonal. I think that perhaps we are being introduced to steps that will be making an appearance in the Spring recital.
PS: I am not going to be in it. I am SHY. I took three years of drama in high school and (bless my 16-year-old self) I enjoyed it. But, these days? I'd rather not talk to strangers at the bus stop let alone dance awkwardly on a stage in front of my loved ones. My family is supportive, you know? The kind that comes to my fashion shows and cheers me on ruthlessly in all endeavors. My father has a digital camera and is not afraid to use it. Also: SUPER BORED HUSBAND falling asleep during the show. Not encouraging!

Kickin' Ass and Takin' Names

So tonight we had a different teacher and she had us do this... thing... before rond de jambes. Where you swing your leg forward kind of like a battement and then back through first position and to the back. Swing your straight leg forward, then swing it back, then bend the leg (attitude, I guess) in front, then straight through first, then bent behind.
That wasn't a good description. Sorry. Just imagine your leg being a pendulum that swings from the hip.
It was EXACTLY what I needed. A way to warm up my dicky hip joints without putting any strain on my even dickier knees. Perfect. It was also kind of fun. Because kicking has unexpectedly become my favorite thing on the planet.
And OH MY GOD when I did my grands battements to the side my extension was AMAZING.
That is, amazing for me, anyway. Not like I-can-do-the-splits-now amazing or anything.
I was sort of surprised. Like WHUUUUT? Did that really just happen? WOWZA. And the hip popping wasn't as bad as it usually is.
SO.
WOOT!

Why All The Posts About Bottoms, Kid?

So I had a really great class on Monday. Which is nice, because last week felt so terrible. I get really clumsy around my period, maybe that is what was going on. Too many hormones. But seriously, Monday was nice. There were only 9 or so people in class, if that. We've regularly been topping 15, so the extra attention and space at the barre was great. Trying to grand battement when you have long legs (I don't! I actually have short legs for my height. I'm like 90% torso. But still!) and everyone is standing so close you feel like you are going to kick them straight in the rump (even when we are standing at an angle) is no good. I like to bust loose with my grand battements. They are my favorite thing ever! The last thing I want to do is worry about kicking the girl in front of me in the tuckus. Tuckus. I just had to look up that word to see if I was spelling it wrong. For the record I wasn't, but it isn't in the dictionary or thesaurus! I did find this fabulous definition of butt, though! 

¹butt

noun

Definition of BUTT

the part of the body upon which someone sits <butts in the seats and keep quiet, or I'm turning this car around>

Synonyms backside, behind, booty (also bootie) [slang], bottom, breech, bum, buns, butt, caboose, can, cheeks, derriere (or derri{egrave}re), duff, fanny, fundament, hams, haunches, heinie [slang], hunkers, keister (also keester) [slang], nates, posterior, rear, rear end, rump, seat, tail, tail end, tush [slang]

Related Words beam, stern; moon [slang]

Be careful not to kick anyone in the fundament at the barre!
Oh man. I am not 12 years old, I swear! I think I had grown out of booty humor long before twelve.  Perhaps I am 8. 8 is pretty good! Second grade! I had an American Girl doll and hadn't discovered boys and pretending to be sick so I could stay home from school, yet.

In any case, I am already excited about Friday's class. WOO!

He Flies Through The Air With The Greatest Of Ease

Speaking of leotards, here he is. Mr. Jules Léotard. For whom the article of clothing is named. Apparently he was a dashing, revolutionary, and terribly famous trapeze artist. He was also the muse about whom "The Daring Young Man on the Flying Trapeze" was written.
And now you know.

Grands Battements, Bitches!

I was really enjoying grands battements last night. I don't know why, because my hips make this distressing *pop!* every single time I battement to the front. But, I was just really in to it last night. Like HELL YEAH I can grands battement! Check this OUT bitches!
I suppose my extension is slightly better than it used to be. To the side, anyway, I can even get to or above 90* (I think). Maybe that is it. Or maybe ballet is just FUN.