Tap tap tappin' those toes

These both fascinate and horrify me. When I ran across them on Etsy today it took me a few seconds to realize that the terrifying industrial-zombie steel craziness going on here is for toe tap. Not too many people pull off that little party trick these days.
All for the best, really.

For Serious Guys, No

Have I mentioned that for some reason one of the top google search terms that leads to this blog right now is "balett flats insertion pussy"?
The first thing I thought when I saw that was "uuuuuh, learn to spell, dudes" and the second thing I thought was "I don't know what that means but the only things I can think of are ... uh... never mind" and then I had to think about kittens and rainbows for a while.
Learn to spell, sickos.

It's All Good, I've Watched the 11 Year Olds Do It So I've Got it Down

So the other night in my level three class (after an exhausting adagio and break-neck marathon pirouette session) the teacher lined us up in the corner and told us to (in groups of two) turn across the floor in whatever way we chose. Now, the only turns I've really been around for are chaînés and pirouettes. And I hate chaînés. But I was ALL OUT of pirouettes for the night. So, after a brief moment (which was all I had) of contemplation I thought to myself "screw this for a lark" and did piqué turns across the floor. Now, you may or may not recall this, but I have NEVER done piqué turns in class, before. I did preparation for piqué turns once... and I sort of popped a couple off in my kitchen the next day, but I have had no actual experience doing them. Not even in slippers. Only a couple of times in baseball socks (my dance footwear of choice, of course)
BUT I DID IT.
And it wasn't beauteous. And it wasn't technically proficient. I didn't even know which direction I was supposed to be turning in when moving from stage right to stage left... And maybe the teacher sort of looked at me like I was insane and maybe even declared that next time we would be working on piqué turns as a class...
BUT I DID IT ANYWAY.

Starring Emma Livry as Herself

At work we are staging a production that requires the leading lady to "fly" up off the stage and through the lighting array above. Which is all well and good in a show that doesn't involve actresses with copious swathes of floaty and highly flammable silk fabric draping artistically off their bodies. We are pretty much all cringing and whispering furtively amongst ourselves about flaming actresses and the much-less-than-impressed audience's reaction to same.
"What an amazing special effect! And the acting! The way she screams like that! So realistic! GIVE THAT WOMAN A TONY!"
Anyhow. I am certain that one way or another (vats of industrial strength flame retardant are being ordered) we will not end our sad theatrical careers with a horrible and dramatic tragedy. But, it's part of our consciousness, isn't it? Everyone you meet will know that people have died when their costumes caught the oil lamps used to light stages back in the day. It's mostly thanks to this ballerina:

Emma Livry who, in 1863,  burst in to flames on stage and later died from her injuries. The most frustrating part of the whole ordeal is that she would have been fine if she'd stopped, dropped, and rolled like a good girl. But OH NO she had to be the drama queen and run flailing around the stage for several minutes. It must have been quite a show.

Streeeeeetch it Out

Okay, so for the last couple of weeks I haven't been doing daily stretches, just to see how that would work out for me. Because they say you shouldn't be doing them cold, right? So. My final analysis: YUCK. Basically, while I love not having to spend ten minutes on the floor every day (which I always put off, and then put off again, and then suddenly it is midnight) my turn-out is crappier, my extension is crappier, and just trying to stand in fifth is kind of awkward and painful. SO forget that. Seriously. The hip warm up jobby is still awesome, though!

Is There a Doctor In The House?

Okay so I don't watch TV much.  I mean, I have a TV. I watch Netflix streaming. I watch reruns of Star Trek TNG and Princess Tutu and the like. I have lots of TV shows on DVD. And my husband might conceivably arrange to acquire in a perfectly legal and aboveboard way the latest episodes of Doctor Who and Sherlock.
But as for modern American television programming, I am a little in the dark. I don't want or need cable or a mini dish, so I basically have to take your word for it if you say some new show is great.
But ANYWAY.
So everyone has been talking, for years now, about House. And how I ought to watch it because it's AMAZING OMG. So. Fine. I tried it out. I was at my parent's house doing laundry and there was a House marathon running, so why not?
UGH.
First and foremost. Hugh Laurie. I have nothing against Hugh Laurie per se. Hugh Laurie + Stephen Fry is a joy to behold. But his American accent is Deeply Annoying. Also, I am sorry, but to me he will always be George:

And so taking him seriously just isn't going to happen. I know, I know, House is supposed to be funny. And he's a good actor with great comedic sense. But. That doesn't make his character at all likable. He's just a mildly amusing SON OF A BISCUIT. You know what I mean?
But the point of this whole post was that during the House marathon that I forced myself to watch while using mom's exercise bike there was an episode with lots of discussion about autoimmune disorders.
And OH BOY. I am SO GLAD to learn via the medium of vastly intelligent medical procedural televison that autoimmune diseases can be instantly diagnosed by these two fabulous methods:
1) put some blood in a test tube. Then plop a paper clip in the tube. Shake. You have now diagnosed your disease. And,
2) Go outside on a cold day. If you have an autoimmune disease you will instantly feel better.
Wow. Thanks House! I am so glad to know that it is easy and amazingly fast like that! I don't know why my own doctors have spent the last five years pooking around with blood tests and x rays and experimental treatment when it is actually SO EASY.
Thanks, TV! You are amazing!
/sarcasm

The Single Most Dangerous Thing You Will See All Day

I admit, I have a soft spot for technical drawings and off-beat inventions. Which is why google patents is like, the new love of my life. You can literally kill hours and hours there, just popping random junk in the search bar and seeing what comes up. I love finding stuff that I then see for sale. Stuff that I thought WHAT THE WHAT when I saw the patent.
Anyway, "ballet" is always a fun search term to use. Or "pointe". Because so much of this stuff is soooooo crazy. Here is the single most dangerous thing I have seen all day:

That is right, it's a crazy-ass pointe shoe with metal spikes on. You know, so you can do POINTE ON THE ICE. Because... uhm... because you haven't been in traction any time recently and it sounds like a great way to pass some time? Anyway, the full patent is here, so you can see the full-on insanity for yourself. I am LOOKING AT YOU Leo's!