Tuesday, July 23, 2013

I Don't Need No Stinkin' Splits

So. My teacher recently instituted a break between barre and center work where we are all supposed to stretch. Which sounds great, because I really miss the guided stretches at the end of my level 1-2 classes and have no self discipline so nothing ever gets stretched at home. But we are all supposed to be using this time to work on our splits. And I decided a few months back that A) There is basically no way in hell I am ever going to be able to accomplish the splits, and B) I am okay with that.
Now, hear me out.
I did try at it for a little while (okay, for a week or two back in November), because I was all inspired by other adult dancers and their splitty achievements. But... I realized it wasn't really a goal for me. A Goal with a capital G.
You know what I really want to be able to do? Fold in half. Like this:

or like this:
from I Have No Idea Where. Let me know if you do.

It looks easy, but it's not! Try it! I (occasionally, you know, when I remember) work on this and I can get my hands flat against the floor but closing that distance between the chest and the legs is a lot harder than it looks at first blush.
To heck with your splits, man! I couldn't even do the splits when I was a kid. And I was a super flexible kid! I was one of those that can hook her feet behind her head FOR NO REASON KNOWN TO MAN. But still! No splits! In class tonight I actually heard (and FELT HOLY COW) something in my hip go TWANG! while doing these split-achieving stretches in class. Can't we do stretches at the barre? I am okay with stretches at the barre that make my parts go twang. But on the floor? ARGH.


  1. Splits schmits... I am *so* glad to find someone else who is more about that stretch than getting into the splits. I can finally now get my hands flat to the floor (and do insist on showing this off at any given opportunity because I have no shame) without trying, but nose to knee? WHY IS THAT BIT SO HARD? WHY? WHY DOES IT TAUNT ME? Heh :)

    1. There must be some other bits we should be stretching in order to achieve this, but all I can think of is hooking my arms around my knees while I'm down there and pulling myself as far as I can toward my legs. So far this doesn't seem to have accomplished much of anything.

  2. I was so happy to read this entry. I have never been able to do the splits, even when a kid and "double jointed".

    Have always wanted to fold in half though, espesh since I do some yoga stretches mixed with (now that I'm back to ballet) ballet stretches. VERY HARD. Getting closer, but there's still a Grand Canyon to go.

    I don't feel so bad now for now wanting to pursue the splits!

    1. Seriously. I am not asking the universe to give me sky-high extensions and 180* grands jetes, I just want to do what I can with the body I'm stuck with.
      I used to do yoga pretty frequently and really enjoyed Sun Salutation, which has that forward fold in the middle. But, I can't put my weight on my hands anymore, so the rest of it is not looking so good these days.