Looking For Ballerinas in All The Wrong Places

Well, I've done it. I've finished off Nutcracker and Mouseking, the story that the Nutcracker was based on. It was interesting in a few ways. For one, the mouse king was this terrifying 7-headed rodent creature that was obviously inspired by the German folk legend of the rat king. If you've never heard of it before I am terribly sorry to introduce it to you, but it gives you a certain understanding of the story we are working with, here. The little girl (named Marie, not Clara) sort of vaguely helps the nutcracker (Drosselmeyer's bewitched nephew) defeat the mouse king (VERY vaguely) and then she marries him, despite the fact that she is 8 years old. There you go. There is a brief trip through the land of sweets, but they don't stop to talk to anyone on account of the residents all being terribly grumpy (because they all have sore teeth, naturally). Why did we make this story in to a beloved ballet classic, again?

Random write-up in mental_floss magazine this month:

not particularly informative or anything, it just caught my eye.

Gratuitous Ballet Moment

I ... have no idea what is going on here. But, it kinda makes me want to buy a Kia?

Originally found on The Ornamented Being

I Don't Want To Become An Aggregate Blog Or Anything, But...

Crazy pointe shoe shaped coffin.

I don't think I have ever been more certain that I want to be cremated...

Baby Bonita Ballerina

"Pose me like a real ballerina!"

 

Provided, of course, that this is how ballerinas pose:

I especially like how they can dislocate their shoulders

and reach behind themselves like that.
It's très élégant, non?

Humorous Rubber Chicken

While we were in the pet store this morning we walked by a display of dog toys and I saw this:

It's a flamingo ballerina novelty rubber chicken? This was the best photo I could find online (my husband thought I was crazy for wanting to take a photo of this thing, so I didn't, but I should have!) and it doesn't properly illustrate the hilarious combination of rubber flamingo boobs, caved in chest, and pointe shoes. So sad.
On the other hand, while I was googling (google-ing?) for the picture I also found this:

GNAW GNAW GNAW

And this:

Someone thought this pose was flattering.

And this:

Awwww.

And THIS:

Blink. Blink. Blink.

I am speechless.

Shoes, Dudes

$485 at Saks Fifth Avenue. Or, you know, you could just glue a piece of leather to the bottom of a $15 pair of ballet slippers.
You know, whatever.

                                              

My Humps My Humps My Lady Lumps, As They Say

I was just checking my page stats. Apparently "rheumatology hot booties" is a Google search term that leads to Rheumatic Princess. I am unsure what it implies about my readers, I just thought I would share!

What the what?

313 page views in the last 9 hours? WHUUUUT? I always sleep through the interesting stuff.
I don't even know where they came from as the referring ip addresses seem to trail in to nowhere. Any-old-who... hello to all of you, where ever you came from!

How Do I Loathe Thee?

Oh Kaiser, no, that's okay. That extra 80 bucks a month was totally just lying around the house. Sure, you can totally take it. That would be great. Hey, while you're at it? Could you make my coverage suck a little more and my prescriptions a bit more expensive? Super. Thanks, guys.

You know what the kicker is? I was going to start taking more ballet classes this week. But now? Totally can't afford it. Awesome.

Oh My God, Becky...

I used to work at a store. I used to work at several stores but there is one store in particular that sells the materials I use to make my living so I visit them pretty regularly. I worked there for five years.
When I went in today my old boss was there and she said "you look like you've gained weight!" And I thought
"Ooooooooooooh guuuuuuuuuuuurl. Oh no you di'n't! You did not just tell me I have got my fat pants on today! FEMALE!" but I was prescient enough to just mumble a bit and move on with my purchases.

This is relevant to the blog because that drug I am trying to have changed because it's making me crazy (Dr is on vacation until the 3rd, but the email is already sent) is also the reason I have porked up in the past 8 months. I mean, I'm a small person. I always was. And I don't even own a scale (no, really) so I can't give you poundage but I sew for a living and the way that I realized something was amiss was that I was making a mock up of a very simple new sheath dress I was designing and tried it on to check how it hanged (hung... hangerated... let us just seize the word "draped" here) on a real person as opposed to a dress form (you would be surprised at the difference a bit of articulation and squish can make) and when I pulled it over my head it slid down my torso and then made a DEAD STOP when it hit my ass. HOLY COW! I pulled out my tape measure to check what was up, but OH NO it wasn't my drafting skills to blame, it was the fact that my full hip was now two complete sizes larger than it had been just months before! Two sizes! I am sort of (totally) flat chested and I have always been a bit on the pear-shaped side, but the only word for me right now is "BOOTYLICIOUS".
God only knows what will happen when I switch on to a different medication. Like a thirty year old doesn't already feel self conscious enough about wearing a leotard in public :/