What What, in the Butt?

My level three class has a batch of new students, so the complexity of combinations has been stepped down a bit. Like, to the point that I actually feel competent. But my mixed-level class has only gotten harder and harder, so now I am stuck either feeling unchallenged or overly challenged. For cryin' out loud, can I get a level four class, please? These dead-dull en croix degages aren't doing it for me any more, and no matter how many times you tell me the sequence of a 13-step grand allegro combination it ain't gonna happen right now.
Sigh...

Sorry, I am feeling a bit shouty, tonight.
Because I... pulled my butt muscle? Or... something. Class was fuller than usual tonight so I got stuck at a portable barre which is a good foot or more higher than the lowest rung on the regular barre. So, when we were all supposed to hike our legs up on the barre... something went terribly wrong. I got through the rest of class but begged off pointe and came home early. If anything, it hurts worse NOW than it did in class.
Effing ballet, guys. What the hell?

PS: this has been a really butt-centric day for me. First thing in the morning I had to take one of my cats to the vet because she has a ruptured booty gland. Well, at least I don't have THAT.

PPS: Look. I am REALLY REALLY SORRY, this is in terrible taste, but I seriously have this song stuck in my head now, and I am sharing it with you because I am basically a bad person and I'm going to hell (and I want you to share in my pain):

Built For Tutus

So we had all congregated in the lobby after class one night, and as is our norm some of the students were talking to our instructor. It's coming up on recital time, she reminded us, and we should start thinking about signing up! Well, said one of my classmates, I'll do it if I get to wear a tutu. And our instructor said, heck yes! If you want to wear a tutu you can TOTALLY wear a tutu. Rheumatic Princess, she says gesturing to me as I stumble in to my pants, would look GREAT in a tutu!
Hmm. I wonder what part of me has the look of "tutu" about it. She can't claim to not see that my proportions are all backwards. After all, she sees me in tighter clothing than anyone else EVER. Truly, I am pretty sure that I could get a tutu bodice to fit me with no problems. Because, thank god, dancers rarely have much by way of boobs and I am certainly as ethereal and waif-like on top as I am brick house-like on bottom.
Well, regardless of whether it would look good on me or not I intend to own a couple of tutus eventually. I figure as soon as I hit pointe I am buying a congratulatory rehearsal tutu, and then when I move in to a house with a separate sewing room I am buying the fabrics and beetle wings for my lifetime tutu. Because why the hell not.

My Humps My Humps My Lady Lumps, As They Say

I was just checking my page stats. Apparently "rheumatology hot booties" is a Google search term that leads to Rheumatic Princess. I am unsure what it implies about my readers, I just thought I would share!

Quit While You Are Ahead

So, while we do changements facing the mirror I look myself over. And there are a lot of changements going on, so I get to take in the whole picture. And let's just say, the last few times, I have noticed a bit of... uh... wiggle in my walk. So to speak. Flubby thigh stuff kind of getting jiggy with it. It's a little sad. And every single time I think to myself "oh holy cats! That is awful! DIET". But then I go home and I'm all "BLT!" and I wake up the next day and I say to myself "Cookies for breakfast!" because I Do Not Understand dieting. And, basically, cake mix cookies are the easiest thing on the planet to make?
Sigh...

Why All The Posts About Bottoms, Kid?

So I had a really great class on Monday. Which is nice, because last week felt so terrible. I get really clumsy around my period, maybe that is what was going on. Too many hormones. But seriously, Monday was nice. There were only 9 or so people in class, if that. We've regularly been topping 15, so the extra attention and space at the barre was great. Trying to grand battement when you have long legs (I don't! I actually have short legs for my height. I'm like 90% torso. But still!) and everyone is standing so close you feel like you are going to kick them straight in the rump (even when we are standing at an angle) is no good. I like to bust loose with my grand battements. They are my favorite thing ever! The last thing I want to do is worry about kicking the girl in front of me in the tuckus. Tuckus. I just had to look up that word to see if I was spelling it wrong. For the record I wasn't, but it isn't in the dictionary or thesaurus! I did find this fabulous definition of butt, though! 

¹butt

noun

Definition of BUTT

the part of the body upon which someone sits <butts in the seats and keep quiet, or I'm turning this car around>

Synonyms backside, behind, booty (also bootie) [slang], bottom, breech, bum, buns, butt, caboose, can, cheeks, derriere (or derri{egrave}re), duff, fanny, fundament, hams, haunches, heinie [slang], hunkers, keister (also keester) [slang], nates, posterior, rear, rear end, rump, seat, tail, tail end, tush [slang]

Related Words beam, stern; moon [slang]

Be careful not to kick anyone in the fundament at the barre!
Oh man. I am not 12 years old, I swear! I think I had grown out of booty humor long before twelve.  Perhaps I am 8. 8 is pretty good! Second grade! I had an American Girl doll and hadn't discovered boys and pretending to be sick so I could stay home from school, yet.

In any case, I am already excited about Friday's class. WOO!

Sew and Sew

You know the big pink title on my main blog page? The one up there (*gestures up*) that says "Rheumatic Princess"? It can't decide what font it wants to be. Every time I log in it is something new. Mostly it just switches between two fonts, but it is pretty weird. Blogger, WTF?
Anyway.
A couple of days ago I went ahead and whipped up another shorty leotard, exactly the same as the last one. They are pretty fast when you have the pattern down. For people who are curious about that sort of thing, here is what the pattern looks like. It is the style that has seams running down the center front and center back rather than down the sides:

Note: baby got back.

New Leotard! Oooooh! Aaahhh!

Sunday night I couldn't sleep. A storm had rolled in to town that was loud and windy and made the gate at my neighbor's house clonk every few minutes. And there were raccoons in the attic making a ruckus. Anyway, long story short I gave up and got out of bed. I figured that I would be sleeping all day Monday, so I needed to get something productive done so I wouldn't feel guilty. I made myself a new leotard.
I had seen some really cute shorty unitard type things online, but none of them met my stringent specs. So here is what I ended up with. It's navy blue, because that was the ONLY fabric at the local fabric store that was primarily cotton and had enough stretch. I tried dying some of it black in the washer, but that was an exercise in futility. Anyways.
I will probably make another one that is identical to this, because I already have the materials and finally have a pattern that fits me (you don't want to know how crazy the pattern pieces have to be shaped to fit me), but last night one of the girls in class was wearing this AWESOME red leotard with matching sleeves that were made from power net (stretchy, sheer, you have seen it) and it inspired me to do something similar at some point in the future. I heart it. This one is super cute, maybe I will rip off that idea.

this picture speaks. It says: I am a grown woman

and I can take pictures in the bathroom if I want to!

Also, it says I need a haircut.

Oh My God, Becky...

I used to work at a store. I used to work at several stores but there is one store in particular that sells the materials I use to make my living so I visit them pretty regularly. I worked there for five years.
When I went in today my old boss was there and she said "you look like you've gained weight!" And I thought
"Ooooooooooooh guuuuuuuuuuuurl. Oh no you di'n't! You did not just tell me I have got my fat pants on today! FEMALE!" but I was prescient enough to just mumble a bit and move on with my purchases.

This is relevant to the blog because that drug I am trying to have changed because it's making me crazy (Dr is on vacation until the 3rd, but the email is already sent) is also the reason I have porked up in the past 8 months. I mean, I'm a small person. I always was. And I don't even own a scale (no, really) so I can't give you poundage but I sew for a living and the way that I realized something was amiss was that I was making a mock up of a very simple new sheath dress I was designing and tried it on to check how it hanged (hung... hangerated... let us just seize the word "draped" here) on a real person as opposed to a dress form (you would be surprised at the difference a bit of articulation and squish can make) and when I pulled it over my head it slid down my torso and then made a DEAD STOP when it hit my ass. HOLY COW! I pulled out my tape measure to check what was up, but OH NO it wasn't my drafting skills to blame, it was the fact that my full hip was now two complete sizes larger than it had been just months before! Two sizes! I am sort of (totally) flat chested and I have always been a bit on the pear-shaped side, but the only word for me right now is "BOOTYLICIOUS".
God only knows what will happen when I switch on to a different medication. Like a thirty year old doesn't already feel self conscious enough about wearing a leotard in public :/