Dear Ballet People,

I just saw this on Pinterest, but it is only one of MANY examples:

Don't do this. Do not allow your personal quest for perfection (and the innate competition and voyeurism of your art) to become an excuse for publicly being a total douche nozzle. Just... just don't do it.
Because you know what? No one is perfect. No one. Not ever. That is the great irony of ballet. She isn't perfect, but she's a lot closer to the mark than I will ever be. And probably closer or just as close as YOU will be. So just knock it the hell off!
I've said it before and I will say it again: if you want society to treat dancers and dance people like SANE HUMAN BEINGS then all y'all are going to have to stop acting like neurotic pains in the ass.
Keep calm (as they say) and don't go all Black Swan.

For One Thing it Won't Fit Over My Diaper.

If a grown-up is wearing it it is a leotard. Or a body suit. Or SOMETHING. But it ISN'T a "onesie". I don't wear bunny suits, either, guys!

Here is a onesie, for reference:

 

The Wadding Goes in After the Powder and Ball, Guys!

So, tonight my ballet teacher learned about the phrase "shot my wad". She had said it in some ballet context. Discussing the timing of port de bras for balancé or something. And then she said "I don't even know what that means! Is it about slingshots or something?" and as she looked out at thirteen silent faces that were suddenly trying desperately not to make eye-contact realization slowly dawned. "OH MY GOD!"
at least we all had a bit of a giggle.
In reality, though, I am pretty sure the term originated with muzzle-loading muskets (truthfully, I am a bit of a etymology nerd. Did you know "the cat is out of the bag" originated in the navy, and has nothing to do with felines?). 
However, it doesn't matter where something actually came from if that isn't the association that most of the people who say it intend.
You really do learn something new every day.

Shoes, Dudes

$485 at Saks Fifth Avenue. Or, you know, you could just glue a piece of leather to the bottom of a $15 pair of ballet slippers.
You know, whatever.

                                              

Accepted Wisdom

So I have read a couple of articles lately that say you should not stretch before a workout. One even included this amazing and colorful quote from none other than fitness guru Jack LaLanne : "Warming up is the biggest bunch of horseshit I've ever heard in my life. Fifteen minutes to warm up! Does a lion warm up when he's hungry? 'Uh-oh, here comes an antelope. Better warm up.' No! He just goes out and eats the sucker."
But as any dancer can tell you, stretching is important! Right?
Well, maybe yes, maybe no. My teacher advocates stretching (at least the calves and thighs if nothing else) after class/running/etc. And stretching is important for overall flexibility and extensions, yes?
Well, it turns out you should really only be stretching after you work out, rather than before, and not just plain cold, which is what I usually do on days when I have no class. But... hmm. I can't really jog or even walk much these days. I labor along with a very short and relatively mild bike ride most Friday mornings, but we are talking a few miles at most (as opposed to the 20+ I used to be able to do). And my hip joints pop so very uncomfortably and disconcertingly every time they hit a développé or grand battemant. So maybe I will just keep up with the hip stretches before class and then only do the other stuff afterward?
Ugh. So confusing.

Pet Peeve!

So on Yahoo! this morning (I know, I know, but my husband hasn't been able to figure out how to get my regular e-mail address to filter in to Thunderbird since we upgraded my computer, and I have to be able to communicate SOMEhow) there was a video about Miss America (which apparently just happened?) and a bit with Miss... something. Idaho or Wyoming or something (you can tell I am Californian, it's like other states don't even exist in my brain) doing a ballet variation for the talent competition. And the costume was ugly, just a really sickly color for TV, but what the heck, everything about pagaents tends to be ugly anyway. But the comments are FILLED with people bashing her technique. I mean every single comment.
It's funny, but you see this a lot online with ballet related stuff. If someone posts a photo to Flikr of their 12 year old in her first pointe shoes the comment section will be taken over by people telling her to soften her arms and work on her turn out. I saw a video on Youtube of a dancer who had to be about 6, and she was kicking my ass for reals, and the comments were all about how awful her technique was. SHE WAS SIX. I mean, I understand that ballet works for an unreachable level of perfection, and I know that correction is the only way to learn, but really? SIX. YEARS. OLD. If ballet people want the world to stop thinking of them as crazy and exclusive and likely to kill themselves by accident in the pursuit of perfection (HELLO HOLLYWOOD I AM LOOKING AT YOU) then people need to get a little more real.
Dude, Miss Montana or whatever still trumps me, and that is a fact.

Yes Sir!

On Friday my teacher was trying to explain coupé derriere to someone who wasn't quite getting it. Because in front you are wrapping your foot around your leg, right? But in back you are angling your foot out all weird. So I said "pretend you are wrapping your foot around someone else's leg back there" and that seemed to do the trick. Teacher was impressed by the description, but honestly I only know what I am talking about because my first ballet teacher, a million years ago, was a very cute young man, and he stood directly behind me and told me to wrap my foot around his leg.
You don't forget that.