Today on "Why U No" Theater...

Yesterday while buying pointe shoes I discovered that Betsy Johnson is now designing dancewear for girls, and it's adorable.
Why you no make grown-up sizes, Betsy?

I NEED THIS SHIRT IN MY LIFE:

I WOULD wear this shirt to a punk show. I would. make it happen, people!

Dear Danskin,

Why U put such big ugly tags on the OUTSIDE of your dance skirts? ARGH.

PS: I do love this, though: When you tear open a garment and find a little memento of it's construction frozen in time, like this chalk mark at the CB waistline. Makes me feel a little closer to the other hands that have worked on it:

Duparoo

While watching painfully (yet exquisitely) old infotainment with my husband tonight (because I'm stressed out and James Burke is a comforting beacon of my lost childhood. Almost as good as muppets.) I learned that nylon was almost patented under the name "Duparoo"
Wouldn't that have been more fun to read on all the tags of your dance clothes? I think so, too.

SO MANY TUTUS

The first batch of OH SO MANY unfortunate burgundy tutus that I have to alter in to wearability before the next recital:

I regret everything.

As I was carrying the giant trash bag full of these things out to my car last week my teacher said I looked "just like Santa Claus! But with the ugliest tutus EVER."

Birthday Gift

It's an Edward Gorey ballerina cat, guys. It's basically perfect.

Selfies Because Tutu

I apologize, but the following post is pretty darn gratuitously narcissistic. You have been warned.

I didn't want to put the tutu on. It just happened. You know how it is.

Decent posture, kid, but you look pretty grumpy. Also: pinky fingers WHAT.

I'm coy because I am leaning against the wall.

Channeling Anna Pavlova (ignore my foot in coupé, it knows better than that. On the other hand

I would like to send this image out into the intervoid

with the title "SUCK IT, RHEUMATISM AND SCOLIOSIS!"
I know it's not that amazing compared to a lot of dancers, but I
am pretty damn impressed with myself)

 OH THE TRAGEDY! (don't look at those feet, either)

This is probably the most honest picture of myself I have ever taken.

PS: those sequined straps suck and itch like the devil.

And they aren't even cute. What a gyp.

Commando Like a Ballerina

This week was a grand experiment in underthingies. I am an underwear girl, I just am. But, dancers don't do the underwear thing. I decided to try it out when I had to skip a week of laundry and was down to one pair of Spanx to wear in lieu of proper shorts or a leotard. Well, I gave it two classes and I have a verdict: meh.
With regular tights it was pretty much standard operating conditions down there, but with mesh tights it was a lot less cozy and a lot more wedgie-making. I refuse to search for the proper word, there. Wedgie is as wedgie does.
Anyway, so that is how the experiement went. You know. In case you needed to know that for some reason.

In other news: our car got a flat tire yesterday and I only got to class by running to catch a commute train and squeaking in right as the previous class was ending. I would probably have just skipped it and stayed home but I have missed my Thursday class for the past two weeks (one because it was Independence Day, the other because I was an emotional wreck after dropping my cat off at the vet for 48 hours to have god-knows-what done to her) and I was in no mood to miss another. Annoyingly, I also had to take the train home afterward. Which I didn't have time to think about in advance. So I rode home in a sweaty leotard and pink tights. If I had thought about it I would have at least brought a sweater to toss on. As it was it was pretty embarrassing.
It reminded me of the pizza place. There is a pizza place that is on the way home from class so we only ever stop there when my husband has picked me up and we are going home. And we have been hitting it pretty hard the past couple of months because we've been all stressed out. But I only ever go in there in cutoff yoga pants and pink transition tights rolled up to my ankles and a sweaty leotard. They must think I just dress that way.

Dancers Do It In (Sweaty) Tights

Things I have done in pink tights and a sweaty leotard:

Go grocery shopping (but who hasn't, amiright?)
Pick up pizza for dinner (in fact, I only ever go in to that place in ballet clothes, they must think I just dress that way)
Perform the art of motorcycle maintenance (no zen, though)
Force feed a sick cat (my husband asked "oh no, are you sure you want to do this in your ballet clothes?" and I'm like "seriously? They can't get any grosser than they already are. A little critical care cat food and a soupçon of cat nausea medication is not going to make much difference.")

On a similar note: last week I was trying to close my car door without using my hands because I was carrying a big old pizza, and I smashed the back of my leg really badly with the bottom corner of the door. 9 days later I still have a massive rainbow-hued lump on my leg. But the ballet tights I was wearing that took the full force of the blow? Not a scratch on 'em.
Best garment ever? I think so.

Fashion Week or Whatever

As much as I love pretty clothes I have to admit that I don't give even the very smallest damn about anyone's fashion week. Judging from the buzz online, though (okay, on the Man Repeller's facebook page), I would say it's probably New York's turn right now. Or else it was, recently. Like I said, I don't really pay attention to that stuff.
Anyway. There is always at least one fashion week collection that is ballet inspired, or pseudo ballet inspired, at any rate. Here are Clover Canyon's rhinestone-encrusted pointe shoe-wearin' models du jour:

and models in pointe shoes always seem to look awkward as all heck, but this one is pulling it off okay (at least in this picture. In others? Mm, not so much):

I do quite like this company's big bold digital prints, though I do wish they didn't insist on making dresses out of icky materials like neoprene. Because: yuck.

This is Halloween

Okay! So Halloween is coming up. And that means women in far too skimpy "sexy" costumes getting rat-faced all weekend. And we all know (or SHOULD know) that I am kind of a clothing construction and costume geek. It's what I do, darlings (read that "DAHlings" and remember to sound as snooty as possible. Or at least like Edina from Absolutely Fabulous). Anyway... so last year I was expecting mountains of ladies in their gigantic "Black Swan" costumes to be hogging the club floor, but in reality Halloween was on a Monday so the evening's entertainment largely consisted of my husband and I, and about half a dozen other working slobs dressed in comfortable shoes and drinking conservatively while watching bands play and checking our watches every few minutes because duh we have to get up in the morning. I saw pictures from other people's Halloween nights, though, so I know the skanky Black Swans were out there (I was a fully clothed white rabbit from Alice. Very very clothed. Not even a little bit sexy). I think there will be more this year, though, because companies have had an entire year to get their designs sorted and their stuff produced. Out of curiosity (okay, because I felt like making fun of something) I checked out Trashy.com's ballerina costumes. Because Trashy (despite it's awful name) is known for it's elaborate and fist-clenchingly expensive "sexy whatever" costumes that are then ripped off by everyone else in the industry. Wait, wait, wait... is this a sexy storm trooper costume? Sigh...
Anyway, here is their "Black Swan" costume:

All things considered, aside from the unfortunate amount of visible butt cheek and a certain wobbly shapelessness to the skirt (and the stripper heels), it's not that bad. At least, considering some of the things that are out there. Of course, since this getup tops the charts at about $600, the fact is that you could buy a REAL tutu for less money. Not that it would be the crème de la crème or anything, but sheesh, it would at least be shaped properly, and probably cover your butt cheeks. You could even wear stripper heels if you want, though really if you're going for ballerina you need to go all the way. Heels do not equal ballerina. At least get some flats and tie a ribbon around 'em.
On a different, ranting note: am I the only one who thought it was seriously annoying that the movie refused to used the names Odette and Odile and dumbed it down to "black swan" and "white swan"? Any real dancer would already know those names. But then, real dancers have lives, and real ballet directors live in one bedroom apartments with cockroaches, so what am I doing splitting hairs?

Tights

There is a young (high-school age) student in my ballet classes that probably started around the same time that I did. Usually she doesn't wear the standard leotard/tights uniform but a few weeks ago she tried it out. She was complaining about the tights (kids these days! Hmph! When I was her age I wore tights uphill to school every day and liked it! Well. You know what I mean.) and our teacher said "yeah, well, that's ballet. Tights help with any number of things." And I (because I am a smartass) said "like when you haven't shaved your legs for a couple of days!" and she said that actually one of the main reasons we wear tights is because they help with partnering. If you aren't wearing tights and you get all sweaty and the guy throws you in to the air... and then can't get a grip on you on the way down... splat. You'll be making friends with the ground at an awkward moment. "Trust me," she said "I speak from experience."

Reconstructed Ballerina Shirt

This is only sorta ballet related, but here is what I made when I couldn't sleep Wednesday night (I had just worked an 11 hour day, so there is absolutely no excuse at all for insomnia):

It used to be one of those great big oversized sleep shirt things. It was a gift from one of my dad-types about eleven years ago. I realized eventually that I just don't like sleeping in nighties or sleep shirts, because I can't stand how they get all bunched up around your waist at night. But I loved it and couldn't get rid of it, anyway. I have been meaning to do something interesting with it for ages now and just never got around to it.
Now I can wear it to work and everyone can experience what a big nerd I am.

For One Thing it Won't Fit Over My Diaper.

If a grown-up is wearing it it is a leotard. Or a body suit. Or SOMETHING. But it ISN'T a "onesie". I don't wear bunny suits, either, guys!

Here is a onesie, for reference: