Understanding Your Limitations

Knowing and understanding your limitations has been on my mind, lately. While stretching at the barre at the end of class the other day one of the students (we've been in class together since the very start) was talking to our teacher about taking more classes. Two days per week just isn't enough! Etcetera. And the jealous little demon whispered to me "I love dancing. I want to take class more, too! I am just as dedicated! I want to advance like she is!" but really...
The fact is that I enjoy spending some of my evenings at home with my husband, going out to see shows, or visiting friends. Class every day would be too much like a job. No one wants that. I have a job I actually love, which is more than most people can say, but you know what? Sometimes (a LOT of the time) I don't want to do THAT, either. I don't want to feel that way about dancing. I want to look forward to it. Because seriously? Sometimes? I get a little worn out and have to drag myself in to class. I am always glad I went, after the fact, but getting there can be a real struggle against my lazier and more fatalistic tendencies.
And then there is the physical stuff. I want to push myself. I want to get better as quickly as possible. But my body is old and broken and requires a certain amount of TLC just to get out of bed on some mornings. It gets exhausted really easily (really really easily). Things get pulled or thrown out of whack at the least provocation. That toe joint on my left foot is prone to flare ups. My knees, my hips, my shins. I have so many parts that don't work properly anymore.
So, while it's hard (or annoying, take your pick) to watch people that I started class with lapping me at the barre, it's also not really anything I can fix. I can't push too hard physically, or I might mess myself up or speed the degeneration of my condition to the point that I can't dance at all. I don't have to prove that I am dedicated by giving up my myriad other hobbies and interpersonal relationships. My BFF isn't in to ballet. I'd like to go see shitty movies with her once in a while. My cats need petting. My husband needs snuggling. There are rose bushes to prune, blogs to write (hello, yes, this is one of my hobbies), corsets to sew. I have a whole art project that I have barely started on, moving boxes that have yet to be unpacked.
Know your limitations.
Understand them.
Accept them.
Keep dancing. Keep writing. Keep working. Keep going.

praise in high places

E-mail I got from my teacher this morning:
"You are looking stronger and stronger in class. I'm really impressed by your progress. I keep forgetting to tell you this when you are in class, so now I've done it and you know what I'm seeing."
WHAAAAT?
Girl, you know I am one of the worst people in class, but thank you anyway.
It all went to my head a little bit and I found myself volunteering to alter and hem four slippy-slimy satin circle skirts by Tuesday. That's right, people, the way to make me volunteer to do gross chores for you is to say nice things about me. As a particularly ill-contrived* ex of mine used to say "flattery will get you everywhere".

* the relationship was ill-contrived, not him. I mean, maybe he was, I don't know. I didn't feel comfortable asking his mom those kind of questions.

Just Do It, I Guess

So I've decided that the secret to life is just ... doing it. I mean... not in a Nike commercial from the 90s kinda way. At least, I hope not. But if you want to try a harder class or a new step or... whatever... you just have to do it. Go for it. Take the leap of faith.
I was looking at my bucket list (there is that term again. Hate hate hate!) and thinking to myself I did this one, and this one. And this one was easy because it was reading a book and I have that pretty much covered. But! Then there are all these other ones. Like walking over the Golden Gate bridge (I'm sure I've driven over it, but, like most Californians, walking it seemed like a distant option for maybe if you some day need to off yourself, otherwise: too touristy.) and dancing en pointe and visiting the Smithsonian. And some of those are little things that I'm not doing because I'm not doing them. And that is silly, so I am trying to be more proactive about crossing some of those things off the list.
And then are are the nervous things. The things we aren't doing because we are a little afraid of them. Because they are easier to ignore, and possibly fret about until they look like a bigger risk than they actually are. Now, all the best things in my life have come from small, nervous, terribly brave bursts of uncharacteristic plunge-taking. That's how I met my husband, got my motorcycle license, started taking ballet class, etc.
So, this is just a note of encouragement for people hovering on the edge of a tiny risk that seems more daunting than it really is. Just go for it, guys. If you belly flop ain't no one gonna judge ya. We'll just be impressed you gave it a shot.

For Anyone Who Needs a Little Encouragement to Get Started

For anyone who needs a little help getting started. Whether it's with something as trivial as ballet class or something as life-altering as a career change, going back to school, or any number of other ... things? Anyway.
Thanks to Ze Frank, who has started another show! I am terribly excited, as The Show was a wonderful wonderful thing, back in the day.