No, Your Other Right Leg

That was what my teacher had to tell me at one point tonight.
Sigh.

So, I took a different class tonight than I usually do. One that is just a liiiiiiittle bit more advanced than mine. Like, six months and I will have this stuff down, but right now not so much. This was my first experience at attempting chaînés turns at any tempo other than painfully slow. There has got to be an in-between stage, though, because if I try to do them fast I just whirl away like an out of control ground flower on the 4th of July.

Barre was good. Solid. And then there were combinations in which we had to insert pas de bourrée in the middle of doing a bunch of other stuff. And do port de bras while also trying to remember which foot is supposed to be doing something. Anyway, that was interesting. Challenging. I am going to seize "challenging" instead of saying "oh mercy me, but it was so terribly difficult and I was all aflutter. Now, I must go lay down, as I think I have the vapors".
Or. You know. Something. I think that one got away from me.

Also, still struggling with assemblé. I am not getting better at it. Because I HATE IT. And so I don't practice it. See, I finally feel like I have gotten the hang of turning pas de bourrée, and I even feel confident about not tripping over myself too much during waltz steps. But, I practiced those. Because they are fun! And they look interesting! And they don't suck! Not like assemblé. Because assemblé is dumb and poopy and smells like pee.
That's right, assemblé. You suck.
Assemblé can't come to my birthday party, and that's that.
NOBODY LIKES YOU, ASSEMBLÉ.

State of the (very small ballet-related) Union Address

In level 3 tonight I didn't have my posture corrected at the barre. Not even once! I am trying really hard, maybe my anguish is just making my teacher feel bad. And then we were doing a combination across the floor. Waltz turns and balancés with appropriate port de bras. And, amazingly, I managed to surprise myself by actually pulling it off. BAM! I'm sure it didn't look so great to an outsider, but I was doing it! Anyway, I was pretty chuffed with myself. But then we were supposed to do this crazy glissade-assemblé-glissade-assemblé-pas de bourée-pas de bourée-glissade-assemblé-glissade-assemblé-tombé pas de bourée-pas de chat-pas de chat craziness. So, my winning streak ended abruptly and with a whimper of protest rather than a cheer of triumph.
BUT OH WELL.

I am supposed to be working on stretching and strengthening my calves, ankles, feet, toes, hamstrings, whatevers.  For this shin splint business. 4Dancers and Gaynor Minden both posted this link on Facebook today, which looks like a lot of stuff I should probably be getting off my ass and doing. Maybe tomorrow after pilates. Sigh... this whole stretching/working out/practicing at home thing just isn't working out for me. Okay, it NEVER works out for me. It's the self-discipline thing. You know, the fact that I don't have any. I really enjoy the structure of my dance classes. Should I be taking the stretch and floor exercise class at the ballet studio? Probably. But then again, that's another $11 per week and... well... to be honest I would like to waste some money on something else right now.
Speaking of which, I have been covetously eying this leotard for months now:

Oooooooh! Isn't it pretty! And so perfect!

Decent coverage AND cool meshy parts!

But the fact is that I have four leotards already. And what I need, what I really need, is a cat fur colored leotard. Because I stand there and pick fur off of myself ALL DAY and in the end I am STILL covered in fur! Argh!

cabriole is the new assemblé

If orange (or gray, or puce, or what-the-hell-ever) is the new black, then cabrioles are the new assemblé. If you obsessively memorize every thing I post here (and let's face it, even I don't do that. Well. Not always.) then you know that assemblé has traditionally been my least favorite ballet step. Because when you are first learning them they not only look stupid (like a cartoon frog, and I won't change my mind about that) but feel like the end times. I have very little bounce in my proverbial bungee, and petite allegro is basically my Achilles heel. Achilles ballet step? Something like that. As time has gone on I have thankfully progressed to a level where I am not asked to perform solid assemblés for ten minutes at a time, and a crappy assemblé is pretty easy to hide when it is only one of a string of disastrously crappy steps all crammed together in a petite allegro combination.
ANYWAY.
My new least favorite step to hate (my frenemy, you might say) is cabriole. Cabrioles, contrary to what their name seems to imply, are not small boxy sports cars, but a big and impressive grand allegro step wherein you throw yourself up in to a graceful leap and smack your feet together in the air before coming back down again. Cabrioles sure look exciting when they are well executed. But when I attempt them? Ridiculous. Aside from feeling like you are going to plunge to your death at any moment they also look like hell. I am sure I would improve at them if I spent some time practicing... which is really too bad, since I have mostly given up practicing every single thing. Ah, yes... that dedication business is all well and good, but apparently I can only keep it up for a year or two before burnout sets in. Hmm. Well, I am sure I will improve dramatically at SOMEthing. Drinking an entire bottle of water at one go, perhaps. Or walking past my neighbors in my ballet togs without feeling self-conscious.

I'm finally back to a full ballet schedule after the disaster that was my past month or so. Pointe class was sort of a wreck, but I will survive. No one says I have to be good at what I'm doing, after all!

French for "stupid looking"

There are things that I don't like doing because they just feel weird. Or look weird. Assemblé is both of those things. It feels awkward and it looks strange. I can't imagine a character for whom assemblé would be appropriate. Except maybe a frog. It's a frog move. Like, Jeremy Fisher. There is a Beatrix Potter ballet. I bet it uses assemblé.

Pretty Annoying Week

This past week or so has been really off the charts, pain-wise. I would like to blame it on the CLAM and the other stupid exercises I am supposed to be doing, but in all honesty I haven't been doing it as often as I am supposed to. Still, though, we are talking more knee pain in the past week than in the past several months. I went to class, anyway.  It adds another awful dimension to the deep hatred I have developed of assemblé.
Oh assemblé, I hate you so.

In other news I would like to share this bit of wisdom with you:
Never, after applying icy-hot/bengay/etc, no matter how much of a rush you are in to get to class, forget to wash your hands before using the bathroom.
Just... don't.
Trust me. 

Visualize Whirled Peas

Which just goes to show, ladies and gentlemen, that thinking about that annoying assemblé combination is the way to master it (at least, after you've already danced so much you can't stand up anymore. Or when you're at work. Or washing dishes. Or...)

Saut de What*

22 students in class tonight! Good grief! Where did they all come from? It was the single largest class I have ever attended at this studio. We made do, but there was a certain amount of careful avoidance of other people's legs involved.
Tonight I finally nailed (once in a while, anyway) saut de basque. I've been struggling with it because apparently you can't teach me a damn thing without a certain amount of struggle. Which is nice, I guess, but seeing me successfully pull it off got my teacher back on the kick of encouraging me to perform. I don't really want to perform! I don't have a head for choreography. You can tell me a sequence of three steps and I will successfully only remember one and a half. Aside from being awkward and shy I simply don't really want to be on stage at this point in my life. That ship has sailed, honey. Let me make some new recital costumes or something, I am good at that.**

I would also like to say: Assemblé and cabrioles? A POX ON BOTH YOUR HOUSES!



*see what I did there? Eh? Eh?

**by which I mean that I did all of my struggling with it many years ago. College: it's awesome except that it isn't even at all. There is a lot of coffee involved and you cry a lot because you aren't perfect at everything. OR MAYBE THAT WAS JUST ME.

One Of Those Days

So last night was one of those nights. You know the ones, where nothing works properly. And we got stuck with this fairly straight forward combination of glissades and assemblés (and if it includes the word "assemblé" then it can pretty much kiss my booty-bum in the first place. Every single movement made me hurt like it was going out of style), but then we switched to doing everything in reverse which screwed me up and I failed to complete a single one successfully even though she made us do them in sets of four THREE TIMES. BAH. Also, it didn't help that I got sandwiched against the wall standing uncomfortably close (like, not enough room for all of us to stand with our arms in second) to the two new girls in class, who honestly have no freakin' right to be in beginning ballet. If you have been taking class four days a week for 10 years then take your triple pirouettes and get outta my line of sight, bitches.
I mean "bitches" in the nicest possible way, of course.*
C'est la vie. As they say.
On a different note, I finally learned which "school" or "method" of ballet we are learning at my studio: Cecchetti. Not wildly unexpected, it's probably the most popular style in the US. I only found out when our teacher told us that Cecchetti looks for turned-out palms rather than the prettier (in my opinion) turned-down palms of Vaganova. Honestly, though, for adults I don't think it matters all that much. I still don't know what technique the first studio I went to teaches. They had a sort of strange third arm position.

* if you happen to be one of the new girls, don't take offense. Colorful metaphors in the name of artistic expression and all that. As I often say: if you've got it flaunt it. But, please... spare a moment to think about those of us with little to no natural coordination.

The Speed Of Light

The most challenging thing about this level three class is the speed at which we are supposed to do things. There isn't any time to think about what you are doing! I can do that annoying glissade/assemblé combination forward and in reverse, but only if I have enough time to get my brain around each step. Last night we started doing this crazy frappé thing at the barre, doubles. I can do it, sure. Physically, I can do it. But without the time required for my brain to catch up to my feet it's going to look like a hot mess.

On a different note: trying to do barre work with my left hand and wrist all bundled up in bandages kind of sucks. Nuff said.

tres mal

I talked to my teacher tonight and told her about the shin splints and we agreed that I am not allowed to jump until I'm feeling better. The bad news is that it means no sauté arabesques or grands jetés. But, let's not be choosy. The good news is that I have a legit reason not to do assemblés. HA! Take THAT assemblé!
The things I've read about shin splints seem to indicate that I should be stretching my calves (moo) and hamstrings more often, so I've been really trying to work on that this week. I even stopped doing the calf exercises I've been working on lately, just in case that is aggravating things. And I took the insoles my acupuncturist insisted I use OUT of my favorite shoes. Because obviously they aren't helping, and I never had shin problems until I started using the silly things. Oh, and because they are uncomfortable and make me grumpy. Okay, maybe the whole thing is making me grumpy.

So. What I'm saying, basically, is pretty please Universe, I really am trying very hard to listen to my body and to work with it's limitations. But, please please with a cherry on top could you please leave me alone for a while so I can get on with it?
  

On an entirely different note I am posting this photo I found on Pinterest because... well... because it's awesome and I don't know what on Earth is going on, here.